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livejournal, my drug of choice
30 October 2008 @ 12:43 am
ever get so much on your mind. so many questions with no answers. and you get so frustrated because you cant answer any of it?
why do i need solid answers so much?
why do i need black and white so much even while i understand nothing is really anything but a shade of gray?
why cant i understand that and just be satisfied with my shades of gray?
 
 
livejournal, my drug of choice
14 October 2008 @ 08:51 pm
Head underwater and they tell me to breathe easy
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livejournal, my drug of choice
i have very very high standards for what i want, what i think i deserve


but my need for love/atten/approval whatever is so much that what i accept as "good enough"  for now, for today, for whatever
 is wayyyyy too low



why is this

why can i and why do i take so much less?
 
 
livejournal, my drug of choice
15 September 2008 @ 11:13 pm
I've been fine. More then fine I've been really good.



I remember that I just got my insides ripped out feeling


Damn
Fuck
I would do anything to see him and I have no way to do anything.
I would do anything.
This is an addiction
This is a physical need

I had no idea

Wow.


I've never felt this
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livejournal, my drug of choice
im sick of trying to figure all of you out ya know why
i dont fucking care
ha
i dont really know why that is so funny but it really is
none of you is all that important to me...
you you just arent wirth the effort anymore
the ones i care for i know and they let me in and dont frustrate me
you guys?
are just a poor substuite for amusement

"I CAN'T FEEL, numb to everything"



my head is fuzzy from lack of sleep but not really tired
just
heavy?
i want my warm comfy place damn you all for not being that...
damn him for really really leaving, his number is disconnected, i guess he didn't lie

fuckkkkkkkkk

damn him for never really being hwat i need so i could never really fall i always had to hold myself up a lil

damn you for lost of innocence

damn you because ive nevr knowen the bliss of an uncomplicated love

if i hate you for anything... of everything that was all the pain and all the bs so many years ago
i hate you for meaning i never loved someone i fulled trusted
which is proably why i want it so bad now..

ugh enough introsepction bullshit for tonight.... i wanna get trashed this weekend...like patron fuckkkkkkkked up

"Make this a dream because I really can't believe that she's gone
(I'm not here and this isn't happening)"

this coma kiss is infinite

best explanation of what ic ant explain

tonight, i'm wrapped up in her
we find each other under
blankets as warm as summer
we are inseparable
our bodies know what they're for
and we give in, we explore
each other desperate for
something inseparable

this coma kiss is infinite,
and I may take your tongue if you stay
we are this dream - fluid and intricate
we made it that way
every nightmare needs an influence
and your body turning blue as you lay
directly next to me colors this one
in bluish hues and darker greys



trace the path the blood will flow



the lines I wear around my wrist
are there to prove that I exist



 was a perfect white
against the perfect lines, from last perfect night
I'm the perfect picture of complacency thats all i feel



I take my medicine and make them believe that i'm a better man


they make life worth living;
hearts worth healing
 
 
Current Mood: comatose
Current Music: my boys night out addiction ive had
 
 
 
livejournal, my drug of choice
04 September 2008 @ 04:26 am
What do I do for you
What do you do for me
What do I do for me
What do you do for you


Why?


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livejournal, my drug of choice
03 September 2008 @ 01:14 pm
i like playing with you
but it scares me because i dont understand you at all
which is not something i deal well with
i get the feeling either you are more complicated then i can understand
or simpler then i can believe
 
 
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Current Music: Three Days Grace - Wake Up
 
 
livejournal, my drug of choice
03 September 2008 @ 01:25 am
the times that stick in my head the most
are the awkward ones,
thinking back to different friends the times i remeber most distictly are the ones when it was new and i felt awkward or whatnot
worried about what they are thinking

i wonder if i have spent more time with people being worried about what they are thinking then being comfortable
im sure this has much more to say about myself then anything else
how comfortable am i in my own skin?
apparently not very
 
 
Current Mood: intersted
Current Music: 50 cent/ nine inch nails - closer vs in da club
 
 
livejournal, my drug of choice
27 August 2008 @ 01:22 am
With this knife i'll cut out the part of me
The part that cares for you
With this knife i'll cut out the heart of me
The heart that cares for you
 
 
livejournal, my drug of choice
26 August 2008 @ 08:30 pm
oh
 i didn't know id see this part of me again
hello there
im not sure im ready for this but here we go
 
 
Current Mood: disconnected
Current Music: Björk - I miss you